How to Disciple Someone Before They Are Saved
Many of us mistakenly believe that there are people too deep in their sin to ever come to Christ. We may never say this, but our actions reveal its truth by how we neglect those involved in the most hideous immoralities.[1]
Naturally, we are drawn to people who share our moral values, believing they will somehow be easier to lead to Christ. Often I have found the opposite to be true. Regardless of how virtuous or immoral a person is, without Jesus, they are lost. We must remember this when we engage with people who don’t know God.
At this stage of their discipleship journey, it is not our role to make them better people — really that is never our role — our assignment is to point them to a Savior. One of the largest blunders I have witnessed Christians make is forcing people to follow God’s word without first being infused with His Spirit. This approach will never work.
Don’t Be Surprised When Sinners Sin
I’ve always found it surprising how appalled Christians are by the sin of non-believers. To me, it seems like the most natural thing in the world to expect people who don’t know Christ to be steeped in the world’s lusts. I know I was! In fact, we all were, for God’s word declares:
You were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest (Ephesians 2:1-3).
Without becoming a new creation in Christ, we are all doomed to this fate (2 Corinthians 5:17). The final solution for a sinner is not better moral training! I think teaching Godly values has its place even among non-believers. But in the end, training someone to live an ethical life will never deliver them from their sin. The only possible solution for a darkened soul is to experience what happens in the passage that follows what we just read in Ephesians 2:1-3:
But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast (Ephesians 2:4-9).
You Can’t Force Faith
Knowing this leads us to a crucial principle to focus on when discipling unbelievers. Do not force your faith or moral principles on someone who has not yet chosen to follow Christ. Very few people are won into the kingdom of God by this approach.
This “Bible bulldozer” method often does more harm than good. I am not saying that you should agree with or support everything a non-believer says, but your attitude speaks volumes about your love. Loving disagreement is completely acceptable and often necessary in relationships with non-believers, but it must be done in the right spirit.
I support lovingly warning people that without Jesus, they have no hope for a joyful and fulfilling life. There is nothing wrong with sharing strong truths with a non-believer. When led by the Spirit, warning people about how continuing in their current sinful lifestyle will one day lead to eternal separation from God is actually a great act of love (even if they don’t think so).
Don’t be afraid to call the kettle black, but do so in a way that expresses your love for a person, not your personal judgment or condemnation.
Paul mentions this principle in 2 Corinthians 5:9-13 when he reminds the church:
I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.
The wicked man Paul instructs the Corinthians to remove is not an unbeliever but a “so-called brother.” To maintain purity within the church, we are commanded to remove imposters who call themselves Christians but have no desire to follow Christ.
This command came from the top, as Jesus first instructed His followers,
If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector (Matthew 18:15-17).
Jesus said this while at the same time being called “a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (Matthew 11:19). Jesus was not primarily concerned with deception arising from people living an openly sinful lifestyle. Christ placed more attention on directing His disciples to “beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves” (Matthew 7:15).
Modeling Christ to a Broken World
Unfortunately, the modern church is filled with these “so-called brothers” who often lead the charge judging and condemning those outside the church. Accepting unbiblical churchgoers while degrading lost sinners is the opposite of what we are commanded to do!
This begs the question, “If we are not called to judge and condemn unbelievers, then how do we get them to see their need for a Savior?” The answer: be Jesus to them!
Of course you will fall short in this endeavor, but God does not need your perfection. God only asks you to be a vessel for Him to pour forth His love to a hurting world. Interacting with unbelievers in a spirit of humility and with a heart of unconditional love is what separates us from the world.
Your life should make unbelievers curious about the “hope that is in you” (1 Peter 3:15). Modeling a life that causes the lost to want what you have, instead of feeling demeaned for their current lifestyle of sin, is a vital component of discipling unbelievers.
[1] Keep in mind that all sin is equally detestable in God’s sight. There are different earthly consequences for different forms of sin but in heaven, all sin is created equal: “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all” (James 2:10).